Defining a waitress should be easy—the job isn’t hard, or so I’m told. A waitress is a woman who works at a restaurant, and whose job it is to serve customers at their tables. When I consult the definition, I am provided with short sentences as working examples: “She works as a waitress”; “they asked the waitress for the bill”; “she plays the part of the sexy, blonde waitress.”

A waitress is a plate carrier, a server, simple enough. But what’s harder to define is the way I am treated in the role.